Friday, August 28, 2009

ZC: Day 18 - Trading Old Habits for New

One thing I miss about carbs is eating recreationally with the Caveman. We used to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation reruns after the baby fell asleep and we'd nibble on whatever was around the house, sometimes adding a beer or a glass of wine. Now I am blogging in the living room at night and he is programming, playing Fallout, or falling asleep early.

It's not that we won't find other things to do together. I'm sure we will. And, certainly, food and drink is not required in order to bond with someone or share a relaxing evening. 

It's just a pattern that has to be unraveled and woven again--this time more perfectly.

Oh, it's not that easy though. I shouldn't give the impression that it's so simple. We're both foodies. There's a lot of mourning to be done when you are trading in all your favorite flavorful, creative dishes for meat. (And meat and meat and meat.) We're also junkies. The candy is gone now, too. For me, everything sweet is gone. Getting clean hurts.

It's physically uncomfortable, of course. But more than that, it is disconcerting to restructure one's life in a way that removes an element so familiar and so pervasive. It makes me notice how, in the modern world, half our activities revolve around food: "let's meet for coffee", "bring the kids over and we'll bake cookies", "I made this for your birthday", "if your last name begins with letter A-M then bring a dessert to the potluck..." Furthermore, now there can be no retreating to a plate of something yummy as a reward after a rough day. 

I'm lucky to be in this with the person I love most.


I didn't get very hungry today and ended up eating only 1200 calories (edit: make that 1500--I forgot about cheese). I ate mostly chicken with a little cream and tried to wipe up as much of the fat and oil at the bottom of the pan as I could. I am hungry now, of course, but I am going to wait until morning to eat more because I don't like how my body feels when I eat late.

My fat intake was way too low today. We need to work through the chicken breasts that we already had in the freezer, but they are not fatty enough. That's really too bad, because I can't get enough of the taste of chicken fat. I wonder if someday I will find a butcher who will give me some scraps. I'd love to make schmaltz (without the traditional onions, that is).


I'll stop reporting on POTS stuff until something changes. I am still having the SOB, orthostatic tachycardia, and gray outs. Sometimes I can't stand for more than a couple minutes before I need to sit again (especially if I must hold or carry something), but it comes and goes.

I got a great nap today and am hoping that "sleep breeds sleep" for adults as well as babies.

Energy level was great, aside from times I was extra sleepy or having strong POTS issues. I even went for a run today. That was for the sake of enjoyment, not exercise. My runs are sort of weak and gimpy, given the shortness of breath, but it is a very meditative time for me. 

I'd say I'm pretty much over induction/withdrawal. At this point all of the complaints I have are longstanding issues. Will ZC heal any of this? I don't know. The fact that it has taken away my brain fog has improved my quality of life to a great degree. As I think I've said before, the physical discomforts of POTS are so much more bearable when I can remain calm and be myself, rather than walking around in a confused haze half the time. That's a lot to celebrate!

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